


Am I Dreaming?

by starofinsomnia (quirklessbunny)



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 17:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30092325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quirklessbunny/pseuds/starofinsomnia
Summary: After Nyx dies in the line of duty, Prompto has to navigate the difficulties and pain of losing a loved one. And just weeks before they were supposed to be married.
Relationships: Prompto Argentum/Nyx Ulric
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

Prompto's sitting silently in the passenger seat of the car, a box of letters in his lap, fingers holding onto it loosely. If Ignis hit the brakes too hard, he would certainly lose his grip. He can vaguely hear Noctis and Gladio talking in the backseat, but focusing on their words is too hard. He looks down at the box in his lap and for a moment, his hand hovers over the top, but he decides after a moment not to open it.

Everything feels strange right now, like he's floating. He wonders if he's dreaming, if this is real. Something breaks between his gaze and the box, and his eyes take a moment to focus.

A pretty, embroidered cloth. He has no idea why.

“Here, Prom.” Noctis' voice. It's soft and echoey, like he's hearing it at a distance. He takes the linen, but it slides between his fingers and down to the box. His body feels so numb, he can't convince himself to pick it back up.

It must be Noctis' hand that lifts it, and suddenly it's rubbing slowly, softly against his cheeks.

“I'm here, I'm here for you, Prom. We're...we're here, but we can wait if you need a second, y'know?”

Prompto looks up at Noctis. When did his door open? When did the car stop? Noctis' eyes are so worried. “What?” His throat is raspy, dry. It's almost painful to talk. He swallows roughly, finally taking a look at his surroundings. Are they at a cemetary? His fingers squeeze around the box and his eyes close tightly. He's trying so hard to ground himself.

Is he dreaming?

Prompto swallows again, it feels like swallowing glass. He vaguely thinks he hears Noctis talking- he can't understand him again. “This isn't happening,” he whispers. “This isn't happening.” The box slides out of his grasp and towards his knees, though he never hears the thud of it hitting the ground. When he opens his eyes again, Ignis is crouched in front of him with concern all over his face.

“We don't have to be here, Prompto. We can...we can leave if you don't think you can handle the service.”

What does that even mean?

“You set all this up, you were so brave up until now, you don't have to be anymore. It's okay...you don't have to be brave anymore. We're here for you, and if you need to leave, everyone would understand.”

Prompto stares at him, desperately trying to figure it out. He looks past Ignis, and he sees Crowe and Libertus standing nearby. It feels like he's watching himself stand and walk over to them, not doing it himself. He practically collapses into Crowe's waiting arms, the dam breaking as sob after sob wracks through his body. It takes everything in him to even breathe.

Everyone's voices are echoing around him now, he can't focus on anyone's words.

They're moving again, he has two people's arms around him as they walk along into the cemetery. There's a casket waiting to be lowered into an open grave. It's beautiful, all black, and it gleams in the sunlight. There's a bouquet of red and white roses sitting on top of it. Red and white, the two colours that signify forever.

Forever. Prompto had wanted that, he wanted forever.

He remembers when Nyx had given him a red and white rose intertwined.

_“Hey Prom, do you know the language of flowers?”_

_“No, what's it mean?” Prompto's fingers are wrapped delicately around the stems, not wanting to disturb the way they're twisted together._

_“When a red and white rose are intertwined like this, it means 'will you marry me'.”_

And gods, his breathtaking smile as he got down on one knee in front of him like that.

Prompto twists the ring on his finger as he stares at the flowers, leaning heavily against...Noctis? Probably. He can see Crowe and Libertus taking seats nearby and holding each other again.

Someone's body blocks his line of sight, and a box is being held out to him. It's not his box, what is it? He fumbles, but gets a better grip on it, lifting the lid cautiously. Inside, it's some of Nyx's stuff. His favourite necklace, his keys, his medals. Small trinkets he kept at work. And folded neatly at the bottom, his favourite sweater.

It's like a switch was flipped, everything is suddenly so loud, so clear, so bright. The sun reflecting from the polished wood is blinding, everyone is sharing their condolences with each other, with him.

Why is the sun even out?

Prompto drops to his knees and slides the sweater out from under everything else, trying to be delicate. He doesn't want to lose anything. He stares down at the dark fabric, the silvery pattern blurs as tears fill his eyes again.

_“What do you have there, sweetheart?”_

_“Nothing!” Prompto laughs as he shoves the box further behind his back. It's wrapped beautifully, and has a pretty, dark blue bow. He'd even asked Ignis for help in wrapping it to make sure it was perfect._

_“Doesn't look like nothing,” Nyx teases, walking up to Prompto and pressing a kiss to his forehead as he tries to swipe the present from behind his back._

_Prompto laughs, turning in his arms and holding the box to his chest instead. “It's for your birthday!”_

_“Aww, sunshine, you didn't have to get me anything!” Nyx hugs him close, looking down at the box. “But since you did, can't I have it early? Pretty please?”_

_“I guess I can't argue with that.” Prompto kisses him softly, letting him take the box from his hands. He'd expected Nyx to sit down to open it, but he's still trapped in his embrace when his boyfriend starts to peel away the paper and opens the box. “Ta-da! I got you a sweater!” he says excitedly._

_“Oh gods, I love it.” Nyx puts it on right away and picks Prompto up, carrying him to the living room. “Best present ever.”_

Prompto can't remember him ever wearing a different sweater after that. It still smells so strongly of that cheap cologne. He presses the fabric to face, takes a deep breath, and breaks again.


	2. Chapter 2

Someone touches his shoulder, and he jerks away from the feeling, head snapping up. It's just Noctis. His lips are moving.

“-start? Prom?”

“What?”

“Are you ready to start?”

“Oh...yeah I guess so.” He puts the sweater on and looks down at the box. He puts the keys in his pocket and slides the necklace over his head, but leaves everything else inside. “Can you put this back in the car?”

“Sure, no problem. Ignis and Gladio are over there, they have the letters.” Noctis is pointing. Prompto follows the line of his finger and nods.

“'kay.” His voice sounds strange. He sits down next to Ignis and takes the box back. He slips the top off and grabs the paper with his handwriting on it, then hands the box back to Ignis. He clutches the paper like it's his lifeline, burying his nose in the collar of his sweater as he waits for whoever it is to finish reading the funeral rites and let him read his eulogy.

It's fading out again, Prompto is sure it has to be a dream. He's starting to feel like he's floating again. He closes his eyes and focuses on his breathing. He has to make it through this.

“Prom?” Noctis' voice breaks through his haze. He opens his eyes and realizes everyone is staring at him.

The rites are over, he realizes. He grabs Noctis' hand, squeezing tightly. It's his turn to stand up, to tell everyone how loved Nyx was, how missed he would be. As if everyone gathered here doesn't already know that.

“Noct?” he asks softly.

“Yeah?” Noctis gives his hand a squeeze in return, it's something to focus on. Prompto's eyes drop to their hands. Noctis' hand is warm.

“Am I dreaming right now?”

“No...No Prom...I don't think you are.”

“It feels like a nightmare.”

“It kinda is...Losing someone isn't easy Prom.”

Prompto nods. He stands up, not letting go of Noctis' hand. After a moment, Noctis is standing with him, following him up to the front. Prompto feels a soft squeeze on his hand, and reflexively squeezes back softly.

He clears his throat and shakes out the paper. He looks down at it like he's going to read it, as if the words aren't burned into his brain. As if he could see through his tears anyway. He clenches his jaw and clears his throat again, trying to convince himself to...speak...say anything. He can't bring himself to open his mouth.

Prompto lets the paper flutter to the ground and looks at the ground by Noctis' feet. “I-I...I can't, Noct,” he whispers, gripping his fingers like a lifeline.

“It's okay, Prom. Do you want me to read it?”

“No, I want to leave.”

“Okay.”

When the others approach, he can hear Gladio and Noctis whispering to each other. About what, he doesn't know. He doesn't care.

“Prompto?” Gladio's voice is gentle. He looks him in the eyes. “Can I carry you back to the car?”

Prompto doesn't really think about it, he just nods numbly. He curls into his chest and sobs, gripping his suit jacket tightly. This feels like...something he can't ever recover from. The person...who made him happy is gone, what is he supposed to do? He feels Gladio shift him around to sit down in the backseat, but he doesn't make him let go. He scrambles ever closer, clinging onto him for any comfort he can draw from being held again.

He can't breathe, gods, he can't breathe. How is this fair?

He isn't sure when the car started moving, or when they arrived at his apartment...it's just his now, isn't it? The tears stopped somewhere along the way. He looks up at Gladio, watching the big guy try to figure out how to stand up, and shifts so he can get his own feet under him.

“It's okay, I'm good now,” Prompto whispers, standing himself up. “Uh, Crowe and Libertus said...they'd handle the little remembrance get together. I don't think I'm gonna go to that but, you guys can if you want.”

“We'd prefer to stay with you for a while, if that's alright,” Ignis whispers, setting a hand on his back.

“Sure.” Prompto shrugs a little bit. What's the harm? He just wants to sleep the rest of his life away, maybe it'll be less painful. He shrinks down in Nyx's sweater, turning to head inside. He can hear their footsteps. It is comforting to know he won't have to be alone in their- his apartment just yet. It's not the first time he's come back...but it's the first time he's not just grabbing a few things, and Noctis had always been with him.

He's not ready to be alone.

Prompto opens the door and walks inside, setting his keys in the bowl like he's done a million times- he'd lose them if he didn't. Nyx set up this system for him.

_“Hey sunshine, look what I got for ya.”_

_Prompto looks up from his camera, head cocked to the side. “What's that?”_

_“It's a bowl for your keys. Everytime you come home, you can just put them here with everything else you always need when you leave. That way you aren't losing them all the time.”_

Nyx's smile was infectious, even though he was being teased, Prompto remembers laughing about it. And it had helped so much, Prompto can't remember the last time he lost his keys.

Prompto doesn't move right away, eyes locked on his keys. He pulls Nyx's keys out of his pocket and drops them into the bowl as well, before finally leaving the doorway. He flops onto the couch and closes his eyes, listening to the other's move around.

Someone, he's almost 100% sure it's Ignis, is in the kitchen, opening cupboards and the fridge. Prompto lets himself pretend it's Nyx for a few minutes, complaining at him for forgetting to eat in favour of working on his portfolio. Or maybe it's Nyx's day off, and he decided to make them a nice dinner. Nyx loved cooking, and Prompto always loved to eat what he made

The sound of ingredients being mixed helps Prompto relax. He feels someone sit beside his head, but he doesn't move, still focusing on the sounds from the kitchen. Maybe Noctis is over for dinner. Yeah, that would be nice. It was always nice having their friends over for dinner.

Their house had quickly become the place everyone liked to gather. Nyx had always said he loved that the sound of laughter always hung in the air even after everyone had left. It was home, a place so warm and loving that it brought people together. They had made a home all their friends had felt safe and loved in.

“Is he going to be okay?” Noctis' voice breaks through his thoughts. He can imagine the look on his face, his lip caught in his teeth. Noctis had a bad habit of chewing on his lip when he's nervous or worried, and Prom had always teased him about it.

“Yes. People grieve differently. We just need to be here for him, whatever he needs. It'll take time, but eventually, he'll probably be okay.” Ignis. Always so gentle and kind. The voice of reason. Something is starting to smell good.

“What'cha making?” Prompto asks softly, after some silence. The leg next to his head jolts. They must not have realized he was awake. He shifts, rolling onto his back, legs hooked over the edge of the couch.

“It's that casserole you really like. Tater tot casserole?”

“Mm. My favourite. Smells good, Igs.”

“Thank you.” Ignis gently brushes his fingers through Prompto's hair, his eyes soft. “It should be ready soon.”

“Thanks.” Prompto shifts again, resting his head on Noctis' thigh. He buries his face against his stomach and lets out a soft sigh. He wants to pretend everything is okay for a bit longer. Nyx is just in their bedroom, or he's helping Ignis in the kitchen.

It feels ridiculous, especially since he's trying to convince himself of something that's not true.

Prompto stands up when Ignis calls them for food and takes the bowl offered to him. It's warm in his hands, it feels nice. He takes a bite and sighs softly. It's good, Ignis is a talented chef, but it tastes...different. Strange. He sets the bowl on the counter.

“Thanks for cooking, Ig,” he says softly. “I'm gonna go lay down for a bit, think I'm gonna eat later.”

Prompto picks up the two small boxes of Nyx's things from the table and heads to the back. He doesn't bother closing the door. As much as he wants to lay on the bed, he can't bring himself to, instead he sinks to the floor by the closet, curling up around the box of letters, and starts to cry again.


	3. Chapter 3

_“C'mon sunshine, you can't just lay on the floor like that, you need to get yourself up. It's time for the clouds to part, hm?_

Prompto blinks his eyes open. His dream....it had felt so real, he thought he'd actually heard Nyx's voice for a moment. In front of him, in his open hand, is a letter. The page is a bit rumpled from him gripping it. He lets go, letting it fall the few inches to the ground. He hears the front door unlock and then open Every inch of him has to hold back from getting up and flinging himself at whoever entered.

It's not Nyx, he reminds himself.

“Prom?”

Noctis' voice almost seems to echo down the hallway. He lays his head back down in disinterest.

“Aw, Prom.” Noctis' voice is closer now, he's standing in the doorway. “Ignis wanted to know if you wanted to come to brunch?”

“No.”

“Okay, that's fine.” Noctis is careful to navigate the letters spread around him on the floor, gently moving them to the side and laying down on his stomach. He sets a hand next to Prompto's on the ground and looks across at him. “Have you eaten anything today?”

“No.”

“You didn't have anything yesterday either, Prom. Or the day before. If I brought something in here, do you think you'd want something?”

Prompto presses his lips together. It seems so unfair that he gets to have this still, gets to eat and continue living his life when Nyx isn't able to have anything like that anymore. He looks at his friend, at Noctis' worried eyes, then nods a little bit. He has no idea what he did to deserve such a caring friend.

“Awesome. Any requests?”

“No, anything's fine.”

“Be right back.”

Prompto watches his feet head to the door, then closes his eyes and sighs softly. He doesn't know how long he's been here, but he's suddenly very aware of how hungry he is...and how badly he needs to pee. He forces himself off the ground and heads to the bathroom while he waits for Noctis to come back.

He washes his hands absently, drying them on his pants. He should probably shower. Prompto looks at himself in the mirror, and is nearly shocked by the sight. Dark bags under his eyes, skin pale. Has he lost weight? He can't tell.

Noctis is sitting on the floor, leaned up against the wall with two bowls beside him when he steps out. He's talking to someone on the phone. Probably Ignis.

Prompto sits in front of him and grabs a bowl. He focuses on the warmth spreading through his fingers. It tastes amazing. His stomach growls, reminding him how hungry he is. The bowl is empty in minutes, and he's still hungry. He doesn't ask for more, though. It was nice enough that Noctis got him the first one.

“Noct?”

“Hm?” Noctis looks up from his screen

“What's today?”

“Oh, uh- let me check.”

Prompto watches him swipe the screen a few times and freeze.

“What?”

Prompto can tell Noctis doesn't want to say anything.

“It's, uh. June 20th.”

Prompto feels like he just took a bullet to his chest. He inhales sharply. “Already?” he asks, voice coming out shakier than he would have liked. Prompto squeezes his eyes shut and hugs his knees to his chest, trying to calm himself down. “Fuck fuck fuck.”

There's shifting, and suddenly Noctis is hugging him to his chest. They sit like that for a while, Prompto being rocked gently by Noctis. Prompto can't stop crying, no matter how much he wants to. He sniffles softly, burying his face against the side of Noctis' neck, tears still flowing freely.

“Y'know....it all still feels like a dream. Like a really fucked up nightmare, and I'm going to open my eyes and he's going to be there and I can wake him up and he'll hold me until I feel better. A couple times I swore he was gonna walk through the front door.” Prompto grips Noctis' shirt. “It's really fucking unfair, y'know? We were supposed to be walking down the aisle today.”

“I know, Prom. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know, okay?” Noctis holds him closer, running his fingers slowly through his hair.

Prompto nods, going silent. He just listens to Noctis' breathing for a little bit, and the occasional vibration of Noctis' phone. He's always popular, meetings and such scheduled for him. Probably emails too. It's so mundane. His phone hasn't vibrated in a few days, though he's not sure it's even got a charge to do so.

“Would you do something with me?” Prompto leans back to look at his friend. Noctis looks surprised, but nods.

“What are you thinking?”

“It's only like, 3, right? So the court houses should still be open.” Prompto's on his feet now, pulling on shoes.

“Yeah, probably.” Noctis is giving him a soft smile now, and Prompto realizes he's smiling too.

“I have an idea.” Prompto heads to the front, ducking under a cupboard. He pulls out a bottle of Galahdian mead and shows it to Noctis. “Nyx got this for us to have on our honeymoon.” He tucks it into his bag, turning to Noctis, who is standing in the kitchen looking a bit lost. “Can you drive me to the courthouse?”

“Of course, Prom. What's going on?” Noctis grabs his keys and puts his shoes back on, opening the door for him.

“I'll tell you when we get there.”

Prompto is practically vibrating in the seat on the way, clutching his bag to his chest. He plays with Nyx's necklace, sliding the chain over his fingers to help himself relax. He doesn't want to give himself a panic attack.

The drive is short, traffic low because of it being a weekday. When they walk in, he walks up to the secretary and rubs his arm. “Who would I talk to about changing my name?” he asks softly.

She looks him over, then raises an eyebrow. “Here, you just need to fill these forms out. I'll file them, and they'll be processed within a few weeks.” She hands him a clipboard with blank forms on them. “And make sure your friend there signs them too, or they'll be void. Two signatures are required for name changes by law.”

“Thank you.” Prompto sits down and starts to fill them out as quickly but carefully as possible, hands shaking slightly. When he gets down to the part that asks for his new name, he carefully pens in 'Prompto Ulric' and signs the forms. “Noct, can you sign the witness line? They want to make sure that I'm in my right mind to change my name.”

Noctis looks over the form, trained eyes making sure they're not signing anything they're not supposed to be. “Of course, Prom.” He smiles softly, scribbling his signature and handing it back.

Prompto grins and turns the forms in.

“Thank you. We'll give you a call when these are finalized.”

“Thank you so much!”

“Anytime, Mr. Ulric. Have a wonderful day.”

The name gives him flutters right to his stomach. He turns to Noctis and hugs him tightly. “I still...got to take his name this way.”

Noctis hugs him back tightly, burying his face against his shoulder. “Let's go celebrate, Mr. Ulric.”

“Yeah, lets.”


End file.
